MINDFUL

WAKING UP

Listen, are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life? - Mary Oliver

I'm not a morning person. I prefer to lean gently into the early hours, inhaling my first coffee and then having a second cup with the newspaper. Avoiding bright light and noise is a key component of this ritual. But all of that changed once I stopped lying to myself.

You see, I kept vowing that later, at some unspecified time during the day, I would go for a walk, get some exercise, get the heart thumping. It wasn't happening. The rest of my to-do list intervened much too often. Multiple reasons why not to walk would pop up as the day went on, and I was racking up quite a history of obeying them.

Three months ago, my excuses department maxed out, and I decided to become a morning walker. So somewhere between 7 and 8 a.m., after fortification by caffeine and despite puffy eyes and reluctant feet, I push myself out the door to go five times (my promised minimum) around the park. In the beginning it was purely for exercise. Along the way I discovered something quite lovely: There's an a.m. community out there.

The initial round is about warming up. With hands in pockets and ears protected by hooded sweatshirt, I brace myself against blasts of chilly air. I say, "Good morning" to other walkers. I agree with the charmingly chipper lady who likes to call out, "Aren't we courageous?!" I smile and nod to the Chinese women who don't speak English. (Not a minute under 80 years old and out every day, they inspire me -- when I'm waffling -- to stop stalling and put on my shoes. No excuses!)

I breathe in the clean, sharp air and pay attention. If brilliant sunlight is bouncing and sparkling on the silver water of San Francisco Bay, that's noted and appreciated. Pooches get pats while I exchange a few words with their humans. A tourist scanning a map is offered help. A neighbor wants to talk about the condition of our park.

Sacrificing my cherished slow wake-up has created unexpected joy, a lively experience that connects me to place and person. Even so, I'm sometimes reluctant to get going. I know I'll enjoy it once I'm out there, but staying where I am -- half asleep in warm jammies, on comfy chair, reading the paper while enjoying more coffee -- seems oh so much better than walking. Still, each day I do it, and each day I'm reminded that for every positive, there is an opposite. Joy and suffering. Connection and distance.

The distance. At least 50% of the people walking/running are plugged into iPods or phones and disconnected from their surroundings. They're only physically present in our community.

The suffering. Those on their way to work are even more troubling. Their eyes, their facial expressions are ... I hesitate to use the word, but here it is: Dead. Their faces are dead. They're perched on the start of a new day, yet there is no anticipation, no happiness, no awareness. Instead: Numb, blank, weary resolution and heavy hearts. Not every face, but certainly way too many.

Being disconnected can be a survival technique, a temporary defense mechanism against pain or fear. This is not the time for that, my friends. We must be brave now and stay awake and alert to whatever's unfolding in this moment. Instead of sleepwalking, we have to make a conscious effort to connect with ourselves, with others, with the things most important to us. Each person who chooses to be fully aware (especially during pain or fear) contributes to the collective consciousness and helps others to be more conscious.

Listen. Breathe. Open your heart. What is keeping you from being fully present, right now? If you choose awareness, how will you and others benefit?

If you remain asleep, what will be the cost to you and to the world?

There's Enough Pie for All

Jim had good news: he'd received a promotion with a salary increase. He called friends and family and basked in their genuinely joyful reactions; they couldn't have been more pleased for him.

Then he called his friend George, and the congratulations came to a full stop. In fact, George didn't make a comment -- not one word -- and instead changed the subject.

Huh?

Jim's a personable and cheerful guy. People like him, and he's adept at creating good things for himself. On the other side of that spectrum sits George, a rather cranky fellow with chronic complaints about everything. "Life's hard and then you die," sums up his world view.

My guess: George's mental script, in response to Jim's call, sounded like, "Some people have all the luck. Don't I deserve some of that? What about ME?"

Resentment. Envy. Me. Me. Me. Not a pretty picture.

When frustrated, it's easy for us to begrudge what others have. We may attribute their good fortune to luck and construct a fantasy world where they don't have to work hard ("Like I do") and things simply fall into their laps ("How come I never get a break?").

When you don't know the full story of others' lives, it's tempting to judge, but the truth is that very few people have that kind of pure, unexpected luck. More often, success comes from that traditional formula: plan, work hard and tirelessly pursue what you want. We who see only the outcome and not the total picture really must refrain from leaping to conclusions. And besides, wouldn't our time be much better spent in considering the question: "How can I attract that kind of good fortune/gifts/blessings?"

An abundance attitude insists there is plenty for everyone -- you, me and even the guy across the hall who plays his music too loud on Friday nights. Enough pieces of pie exist for all.

While celebrating the arrival of your pie, I'm also reminded that the universe brims with positive stuff and -- who knows? -- something wonderful may be on its way right now to me or to your best friend. But if I focus on resenting you for the slice on your plate, I won't notice the one that's waiting for me.

Just Ask and It Will Be Taken Care Of

Scholarship assistance is available (no questions asked) should your circumstances present the need at this time. Just ask and it will be taken care of for you.

The above was included in an email notifying me that an association membership is up for renewal. (How could I not want to continue being part of such a thoughtful and generous group?)

Just a few days before that message was received, I'd been assisting at a seminar by staffing the book sales table. At the end of the program when everyone was gone and we were packing up the leftovers, a hotel security person walked over to the table. She picked up a book and asked if she could have it.

She asked and it was given.

Are we on to something here? How often do you want (a favor, a job, the order, a referral, a bit of help?), but you hesitate to ask?

Several years ago while consulting for a business, I learned they were making both cold calls and calls to prior customers. And their routine was not to leave a message if they reached voicemail. A lot of time and long distance dollars were being spent with no hope of a return.

"But," I said, "you're not giving them a chance to say yes to you." The policy was changed. Messages were left and sales increased.

What stories do you tell yourself to justify not asking for what you want?

• I'll get a no.

• They won't say yes unless I convince them.

• It'll look like .... 

• I don't deserve ....

• It's impolite/pushy/an imposition to ask ....

We all have at least one great fear. Facing the unknown may be the most common one. Think about making a request and the possibility of rejection, disappointment and discouragement looms. Instead of pushing ahead into that unknown, we hesitate. If you stick with the sure thing by never asking (not risking a "no"), the surest thing becomes: you won't get what you want.   

What you desire is out there, waiting for you. But don't expect it to sail in through the window while you're watching TV. You must do your part to make it happen. With your heart open, take a chance and invite the universe to say "yes!"

* * * *

True stories of connecting, awakening, seeing and knowing are at connectingstories.com

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2006-7 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) copyright Jane Allen 2006. All rights reserved.

Leaps that Transform Us

After months and months of dithering over oh-so-many possibilities, I bought a digital camera. My stoppers had been: lack of knowledge and fear that I'd make a mistake. You might think that information gathering would have taken care of the fear part. But no.

Every so often over those months, I would go into research mode until my brain was fried with comparing features and options. (Since the cost was not inconsiderable, winding up with something that didn't please me was not a happy thought.) I would visit websites, take notes, do printouts and then, frustrated and overwhelmed, give up for a while. I didn't feel competent to make the PERFECT choice and couldn't accept the idea of a bad choice, so I opted for no choice.

Finally, I reached the end of my patience with myself. For better or worse, I decided, I'm going with this one.

The camera has changed my eyes. I see pictures where I hadn't before. I look for shapes and colors and detail. I study light and shadow. My walks have become all about seeing and contemplation and now, as every small or large thing draws my attention. Fully here and aware as I appreciate some image, I stop being the center of my universe. Procrastination IS a decision -- a decision to do nothing. Leaps, though scary, can be remarkably transforming. Once they're made, we ask, "Why did I wait so long?"

Behaving Magnificently

Weeks ago, I ran across the term "magnificent behavior." Such elegant words. Say them out loud and they sort of roll off the lips.

Then and here and there, I pondered the questions: What qualifies as magnificent behavior? Who is behaving magnificently? All too often, my rambling brain came up with examples of decidedly non-magnificent behavior. It's easier to find them. I'd push those thoughts away and keep trying. Never once did I consider that some part of me might fit the description.

And then a bit of synchronicity occurred. My DailyOM email  -- determined to remind me of my own magnificence -- asked me to write down five things that I like about myself.

OK, I thought, I can come up with five.

Reading on, I saw that DailyOM wanted me to do this over a week's time, and I was to write down at least five things each day! FIVE EACH DAY?! Oh my.   

DailyOM acknowledged that I might have some problems with the assignment and offered help:

"If you are still struggling with what to include on your list, think of what you like about your favorite people, because these traits are probably qualities that you possess too. ...[Or]think of five things you don't like about yourself and find something about these traits that you can like."

Hold onto your hat because here comes the even harder part:

"At the end of the week, read the list aloud to yourself while standing in front of a mirror. Instead of looking for flaws to fix, allow the mirror to reflect your magnificence."

Did your "uh oh" reaction just kick in? Reading praises to yourself in front of a mirror.... Was your brain screaming, "Silly stuff! FORGET this!!"? DailyOM has anticipated your response:

"Remember, it is when you feel the most resistant that this exercise can benefit you the most. Because we are constantly looking at the world, instead of looking at ourselves, we don't often see what's magnificent about ourselves that others do. When we take the time to experience ourselves the way we would experience someone we love and admire, we become our best companion and supporter on life's journey."

What's on your list? I'm still working on mine. And the mirror thing? I guess I'll give that a try, too.

VISIT DAILYOM

(c) Jane Allen 2006. All rights reserved.

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2006-5 - ISSN: 1534-178X

Strange, Heartwarming, Breathtaking True Tales

We cannot slip into despair and cynicism. Do your spirits need lifting? Here are true tales of the strange, the heartwarming, the breathtaking.

MAKE MAGAZINE offered a how-to to help you transform your tired VCR into a kitty kibble dispenser.

AFTER AOCHAN, a rat snake residing at a Tokyo zoo, refused his usual food (frozen mice), the zookeepers offered what they thought would be an irresistible treat: a live dwarf hamster. But instead of lunch, the hamster became best buddy, sharing the cage and napping on Aochan's back.

FOR ROOMMATES who don't get along quite so well, Ben & Jerry's offers a plastic security lid with combination lock for your Chunky Monkey pints -- or whatever your favorite flavor.

THE WORLD'S TINIEST FISH -- .31 of an inch long -- was discovered in Sumatra. HASBRO plans to introduce a singing toothbrush this spring.

DECK THE HALLS, UH, HAIRS - Mark Davis, a bus driver from Pontypool, Wales, had his hair colored red last December. And then a very small fir Christmas tree was woven in, complete with a string of lights. "It gives everyone a laugh," he said, but "it's very difficult to sleep with it." 

AT THE AUGUST 2005, St. John's, Newfoundland, folk arts festival, 989 accordionists played at the same time, breaking the previous record of 644 simultaneous players. Nude accordion players also performed.

YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE - Japanese scientists discovered that the bottoms of our feet and our hands and foreheads emit photons (light that's invisible to the unaided eye).

IN DECEMBER 2005, near the Farallon Islands, a female humpback whale became entangled in nylon ropes strung with crab pots. The whale, 50 feet long and weighing about 50 tons, was struggling against the crush of 90-pound crab traps and weights fastened to 20 ropes, each of them 240 feet long. Divers found the ropes cinched tightly around her body, tail and one fin. Another rope went  through her mouth. Without their assistance she had no chance of surviving, but this was risky work. Whales are not human-friendly creatures like dolphins, and a flip of her massive tail could have killed any of them.

They quickly found there was nothing to fear. She floated quietly, passively in the water for an hour while they cut the ropes. Once freed, she swam in circles around the divers, gently and playfully nuzzling them, one after another.

Commenting on her thank you, one said, "I never felt threatened. It was an amazing, unbelievable experience."

THE LOVELINESS OF PARIS - This website has a 360 degree night shot of Paris lights from a rooftop (use the scroll bar at the bottom of your web browser to make the circle).

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2006-3 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) Copyright Jane Allen 2006. All rights reserved.

Memo: We're All in This Together

The young woman across the street was sitting on a bundled stack of newspapers outside of a little corner store. She was quite pretty, quite young (maybe 20 or less?) and carefully dressed to go somewhere. She smiled at us. Clementine made a beeline for her as soon as we cleared the street. Clem often makes definite choices about people, and I -- on the other end of the leash for eight years now -- have learned to pay attention when she does.

While giving Clementine some scratches, she said, "Dogs always know when someone needs a hello." I agreed and said they always know who's a friend, too. Red blotches started forming around her eyes. Her mouth stretched into that I-don't-want-to-cry grimace, and she looked down. I asked, "Is there something I can do for you?" Now her tears were rolling. She said no but thank you.

I offered her my hand. She looked puzzled but took it. I gave her fingers a squeeze and said, "Please hang on."

You don't know what someone's going through.

A businessman was irked because a prospect who supposedly wanted to talk to him wasn't there for their phone appointment. He was steamed! Such rudeness ... carelessness .... He later found out the man missed the call because his brother had passed away just a few days earlier.

You don't know what someone's going through. Don't assume it's all about you.

A young man who survived his jump from San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge said he had decided he would turn around and go home if just one person spoke to him during his hour-long walk to the bridge. No one did.

You don't know what someone's going through. The smallest gesture could make all the difference.

Are you reading your memos from the We're All in This Together Department? We don't have to sing songs around the campfire, but how about paying just a bit more attention to thinking and acting from a deeper place? That place of connection and compassion.

Every small bit of kindness has a powerful reach.

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2006-2 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) Copyright Jane Allen 2006. All rights reserved.

Can We Just Say No?

After 54 years of smoking, he quit four weeks ago. He's tried before. And goodness knows, he's THOUGHT about stopping a million times.

Something clicked this time and he decided, "I'm sick of this. I don't want to do it anymore." No after-the-holidays promises for this guy. No patch. No gum. No white-knuckles, climbing the walls either. Which is not to say that it was easy. It wasn't. But he did it.

Despite the flak that Nike receives, maybe they've got one thing right? -- Just do it!! You stop giving pieces of yourself away to whatever is consuming you. You make that stand and change the story you're telling yourself.

What's taken over your life to the point of making you unhappy or uncomfortable? We all have excuses that begin, "If it weren't for ..." and end, "I would ..."

A new script sounds like this: As Much as I Like/Want/Am Addicted To/Think I Gotta Have/Can't Live Without This, I'm Stopping Right Now. I'm just not doing it anymore.

So here's my image for 2006 New Year's resolutions: a light switch that's been stuck in the "on" position for way too long. I see my hand flipping the switch down to off. The room goes dark, and then I light a candle and begin from a brand new place.

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2006-1 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) Copyright Jane Allen 2006. All rights reserved.