MINDFUL

Finding the Holes to be Fixed

Michael Swaine doesn't wait for the holiday season. Once a month he plops down on a sidewalk and mends things -- for free. He's found holes that need to be fixed.

"I am only one; but I am still one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do." -- Helen Keller

On the 15th of each month, Michael Swaine sets up a vintage sewing machine on a San Francisco sidewalk in the Tenderloin district, a part of town that people avoid if they're lucky enough. He and his machine mend things -- for free. And while he's sewing, he listens to the stories of the unlucky, the poorest of the poor, the sick, the minimized and marginalized, society's fatal exception errors who become invisible because we don't want to watch or hear.

My guess is that, by choosing to be there, Michael Swaine mends a lot more than just pants, shirts and coats. He's attending to the rips in a very large piece of fabric. After sewing in other parts of the city, he settled on this one because he found that, "The Tenderloin appreciated it the most. It had the most holes to be fixed."

So I started thinking about all of the holes that need to be fixed, an inventory so overwhelming that it makes me want to join the dust bunnies hiding under my bed. And maybe that's where the mistake is: worrying about the WHOLE picture. Isn't it much better to choose one sliver of the pie chart and focus on that? Michael Swaine reminds us that any little do-able something is valuable and appreciated. Any little something can be big. He's not feeding or providing medical care to hundreds of people. While those things are certainly excellent and necessary ways to mend holes, they're not Mr. Swaine's way.

Instead, he sews and listens. The simple elegance of it makes me weep.

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Michael Swaine is an artist dedicated to working in the community. His "Reap What You Sew" Generosity Project was featured in the December 2, 2005 San Francisco Chronicle

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2005-12 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) Copyright Jane Allen 2005. All rights reserved.

What are You Connected To?

The Internet promised us connections. How's that working for you? It depends on WHAT you want to be connected to.

While in Oregon last month, I changed the stories I'd been telling myself about the way things have to be. Without email or newspapers or TV, I was news-less and disconnected from the world for three days. And I was totally connected to my heart and to the 14 people with whom I shared a workshop about the meaning of presence.

One of the physical exercises that we did was exaggerated movement to represent a part of our lives. My choice was walking quickly in tight circles, moving my arms like lethal buzz saws while holding my elbows close to my sides. I was a busy bee engaged in frantic activity and  getting nowhere -- cramped, furious motion that exhausted me (even though it lasted only a minute).

This bit of improvisation brought home the profound message that I, caught up in a whirlwind primarily of my own design, had lost sight of the bigger picture: where do I want to go, and what action will help me to know that?

Our lives work for us only when we are fully present. Without that presence -- that awareness of right now -- we are pursuing goals that are always somewhere else. I'll take a break, we tell ourselves, once I've finished this project. But the other demands on our time are out there -- like stacked-up planes circling above the airport in bad weather -- pressuring us to hurry up, do more, do it faster.

Cranky or bored with everyday tasks (fixing a computer glitch, scrubbing the bathtub, grocery shopping), we try to hurry through them while thinking of the "important" stuff that needs to be done. Can you imagine yourself washing dishes and focusing only on that AND being joyful about it? If not, what's the alternative? -- To stand there, up to your elbows in soapy water, feeling resentful while the to-do list dances in your head. Since we can do only one thing at a time, what's to be gained by feeling impatient with THIS moment?
 
Standing still, taking the time to breathe, to notice, to be silent are essential to knowing. The key to being present is being fully there in the stillness of now, no matter what you are doing.

Yes, if you want to know the latest news, the current scoop on the rich and famous or where to get music downloads, then the Internet is the place to be.

If you want to get off of the doing, rushing, getting, having treadmill, then the place to be is where you are ... right now.

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True stories of connecting, awakening, seeing and knowing are at connectingstories.com

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2005-11 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) Copyright Jane Allen 2005. All rights reserved.

True Tales of Adventure, Grit, Generosity and Static Electricity

The news this past month has not offered much to celebrate or laugh about, so here are some tiny bits -- the marvelous and the strange -- to fill in that gap.

A BUILDING in southern Australia was evacuated after a man's jacket caused portions of the carpet to catch on fire. Fire officials stated that at least 30,000 volts of static electricity had built up in the jacket while he walked around the city of Warrnambool. The man reportedly was able to walk away from the scene. Fire officials who took charge of the jacket said it continued to give off voltage.

BY WORKING part-time jobs and living simply, a 59-year-old mathematics professor has, over the last 35 years, given at least half of his yearly income to charity. His total contributions should reach $770,000 by the end of 2005. He wants to give away $1 million before he retires.

SWIMMERS in the July 2005 Visit Scotland Adventure Triathlon navigated the waters of Urquhart Bay, the home of Nessie, the Loch Ness monster. Each participant was insured for 1 million Pounds Sterling against attack by Nessie. The official Loch Ness Monster Fan Club spokesman disputed the idea that Nessie would bother the swimmers, saying she is friendly and might be inclined to join in the race. However, no sightings were reported.

THE FOLSOM STREET FAIR in San Francisco raises about a quarter of a million dollars every year for AIDS research.

THE MICROBIOTICS folks have built an inchworm-like robot so tiny that it can't be seen without a microscope. About 200 of them would fit on a surface smaller than a shirt button. One possible use is to repair human cells and tissues.

HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of Monarch Butterflies fly as much as 2,500 miles to Pacific Grove, CA, each fall. Coming from as far north as Canada, the fragile creatures travel about a hundred miles a day, flying as high as 10,000 feet. They begin arriving in October. NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC has a web cam -- "WildCam Africa" -- at an African watering hole. Note: The WildCam runs live during August-December. A recording is available during the rest of the year.

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Need a mood lift? Stories of connecting, helping, talking, awakening, seeing, knowing are at connectingstories.com

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2005-10 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) Copyright Jane Allen 2005. All rights reserved.

Creating Sparks

Right this minute, a screenwriter somewhere is pounding out a TV movie of the week about Hurricane Katrina. Yup. It's happening. You know it is.

It will be set in New Orleans with "before" shots of graceful buildings and pretty streets with jazz playing in the background. The plucky young heroine will face danger, help her neighbors and persevere against great odds while her hairdo stays pretty much intact.

Our hero, muscles rippling under his slightly soiled T-shirt, will battle evil-doers and the elements. These two will meet and team up to perform selfless acts of courage despite their initial personality conflicts. They will eventually fall in love and then float off into the sunset in a boat along with one or maybe two orphans and a cute dog.

Or perhaps the movie will end with them helping at a shelter (crowded but clean, well-lit, with blankets, food, water and medical assistance for all).

But for now, we have reality TV. No, not the pathetic drivel that is offered up as "reality" shows. Instead: Women and men weeping. Death, hopelessness, chaos and filth. A group of seven lost children walking together searching for help, led by the oldest child (age 6). Unbelievable scenes of loss, pain, brutality and devastation. People who have lost their dignity along with everything else.

You can be angry at or forgiving of the bureaucracies that didn't do enough soon enough. It's your choice. But spend some time assisting the victims. Make a donation, give blood, pray or send thoughts of love, courage and healing to them and to the caregivers.

And be thankful for what you have. Dry clothes. A warm, comfortable place to sleep. Hot showers. Food and water. Take a moment right now to imagine how it would be if all of that - poof! - disappeared.

One Kabbalah belief is that every act of loving kindness, no matter how small (a kind word, money given, a good deed, a prayer offered) releases Divine sparks that will heal the earth.

We need many sparks. This disaster won't be over before you go to bed tonight.

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True stories of connecting, awakening, seeing and knowing are at connectingstories.com

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2005-9 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) Copyright Jane Allen 2005. All rights reserved.

What's Holding You Back?

The email said, "Since I have no time and no ability to do nice things for myself ...."

And I thought about elephants -- captive elephants (not the enormous, powerful, majestic elephants that no other creature in the jungle dares to mess with). This month's Water Wings has some thoughts about our limiting beliefs.

Adult elephants are restrained by ropes or chains which they could easily break if they wished. Instead, accustomed to being tied up from an early age, they tolerate the bondage and perform as directed by humans.

Before the 2004 Indonesian tsunami struck land, the normally passive elephants broke their chains and headed for high ground. They somehow knew what was coming and focused on self-preservation. Will it take a tsunami-like event for you to begin focusing on your well being, despite the chains tethering you?

• What "no" would you like to say, but keep swallowing?

• What "yes" is burning in your heart while you're afraid to voice it?

• What do your chains look like?

• Are you always doing for others, but not doing enough for yourself?

• Are your dreams sitting on a shelf gathering dust while you go through the motions of a life devoted to "just getting by" instead of pursuing what you really want?

Perhaps your chains are your beliefs that say, "I'll never be able to do that. Just keep on. Forget about that other stuff." Maybe you failed at something once and are stuck in the fear that you'll fail again. Are you accepting another's beliefs about your limitations or what's "right" for you? Just identifying and starting to question your limiting beliefs will take away some of their power.

• What's most important to you?

• What do you have to lose?

• What do you have to gain?

• What does taking care of yourself mean for you?

• How will your life be different when you start taking care of yourself?

• How will you feel when you have the life you really want?

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True stories of connecting, awakening, seeing and knowing are at connectingstories.com

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2005-8 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) Copyright Jane Allen 2005. All rights reserved.

The Power of Forgiveness

The bomb attacks on our friends in London brought up again for me some questions about forgiveness: Is every harm forgiveable? Can we -- should we -- forgive murderers?

"Surely not," says my inner voice, but then I remember the parents of Amy Biehl. They found their answers to those questions and forgave their daughter's killers. Each of us must find our own answers.

Here is a rerun of a June 2003 Water Wings about forgiveness....

In May 2003, I attended a discussion about the power of forgiveness.  Here are some of the talking points that resonated with me.

• Forgive in the present. It's how I live now -- not what happened in the past -- that is important. Without forgiveness, we continue to be prisoners of the past.

• "Forgive and forget" is a cliche. Don't link those words together. Forgetting is often impossible. Forgiving IS possible.

• How long will it take to forgive? It will take as long as you think it will. You can do it in an instant or it can take a lifetime. You do have choices. If you can't forgive now, keep working on it.

• If I do not forgive, I continue to be a victim. My desire for revenge makes me an oppressor. Forgiveness is a recognition of my personal power. No one can control me (or my thoughts) unless I allow it.

• We hold on to grievances as an excuse to unload our rage on others. The desire to get even gives a license to hate. We can hold people accountable without hatred or anger.

• Forgiving does not mean allowing continuing outrageous behavior from others.

• Forgiveness leads to hope and allows change. It can promote dialogue and lead to understanding, mercy and reconciliation. Without mercy, the blame/vengeance cycle continues.

If you're having trouble forgiving, try looking for examples of forgiveness. They may inspire you (or at least give a different perspective to your grief).  Here is one stunning example:

Amy Biehl was a Stanford graduate and a Fulbright scholar working for human rights in South Africa. She was attacked in August of 1993 by a mob of men who used stones, bricks and their fists to beat her to death. Instead of seeking vengeance, Amy's parents decided to forgive and continue her work.  They established the Amy Biehl Foundation "to prevent youth-perpetrated violence in South Africa and the United States through providing program opportunities in education, sports/recreation, arts, employable skills and safety. Programs are community-inspired and holistic so as to meaningfully contribute to the development of functional, hopeful young people."  (Quoting from amybiehl.org)

The Foundation employs some of the men who murdered Amy. Her father, Peter, passed away in 2002. In an October 2001 article in the San Francisco Chronicle, he talked about reconciliation: "We had been dealt our cards and had to play them ... We knew squat about South Africa before Amy died. We came to find out what it was that kept her here, and in doing so, reconciled ourselves to the country. And by making peace with South Africa, we were able to reconcile with the men who killed Amy."

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True stories of connecting, awakening, seeing and knowing are at connectingstories.com

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2005-7 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) copyright Jane Allen 2005. All rights reserved.

A Bridge to Joy

I've been paying more attention to the joy of small things. You mustn't wait for big joys. They might be a long time in coming.

Just a few days ago, I discovered a woman who has a job that I certainly wouldn't want. She sits in a booth (dimensions: roughly 3x4 feet) on the San Francisco side of the Golden Gate Bridge and collects tolls. Yet she has found a way to include joy in her day.

When you approach the Golden Gate Bridge heading south, the freeway snakes gently up through green hills. You reach the summit and start down, and there is a moment, right after rounding a curve, when the view is breathtaking. San Francisco is suddenly there beyond the shimmering water, laid out like a wide ribbon of jewels piled up and left to sparkle in the sun. The tops of two orange bridge towers peek up from the fog at the right side of the panorama.

At 40 miles per hour, you have maybe five seconds to drink in the beauty before a tunnel swallows you and the stunning snapshot is gone. On this trip home last Friday with our dog Clementine in the back seat, we were treated to a second, totally unexpected joy.

We crossed the bridge. The lines for the toll booths were rather long. As we alternated between waiting and then creeping up a few feet closer to the kiosk, I was thinking, "What a terrible job these toll collectors have. Sitting in that cramped space and breathing exhaust fumes all day (or all night) long."  Finally, it was our turn. We moved up, John gave the woman five one-dollar bills and started to step on the gas when she cried out, "Wait! Wait! WAIT!"

Startled, we both turned to look at her. What could be wrong? Had I miscounted the bills? No. She had seen Clementine in the back (nose pushed against the window). Smiling, she handed John a dog biscuit.

What splendid serendipity! Out of eight toll booths, we found the joyful one. Clem took care of her treat within a minute, but our smiles lasted all the way home.

What might you do to add joy to your work? Today, in what small way will you spread joy?

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Joyful true stories of connecting are at connectingstories.com

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2005-6 ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) copyright Jane Allen 2005. All rights reserved.

We Need Joy -- More Than Ever

"Aren't we lucky!" my friend says. "We have such wonderful lives." And I agree.

Tina (not her real name) is a joyful person. You may imagine that Tina started life in a happy home and that joy has always been her companion. No, quite the opposite. She endured every possible abuse from a sadistic psycho father. Yet she somehow become a loving, thoughtful woman who is happily married and generously gives to others at every opportunity. How did she collect up those shattered pieces of herself and emerge, as a whole being, on the other side of horror? She isn't sure.

Roberto Assagioli, a colleague of Freud and Jung, developed a theory of psychology called Psychosynthesis, which was the foundation of the human potential movement. Instead of focusing on pathology as the core of human experience, Dr. Assagioli said that humans have an inherent potential for wholeness, growth, health, love and joy. In other words, he believed that joy is one of the basic human conditions. If we lose touch with it, it's still there. We can find it again.

We've had three years of mourning in this country. We are reminded daily of suffering all around the world. How can we be joyful when there is so much misery? Wouldn't that be like laughing during a funeral?

Let's look at it from another direction: how can we NOT seek joy now? We need it more than ever. Don't we have the right -- even the obligation -- to look for joy wherever we can find it?

Being stuck in grief shuts down our creativity, our awareness and our ability to help others and ourselves. Mired in sadness, we withdraw into our separate shells and lose our links to each other. Grief is contagious.

But so is joy.

Tina and I walk once a week and talk about personal stuff, politics, war, spirituality -- whatever's on our minds. Many of those topics make us sad, angry or afraid. But at the end of our walk, I am filled with joy. It is her greatest gift to me.

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True stories of joyful connecting are at connectingstories.com

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2005-04 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) copyright Jane Allen 2005. All rights reserved.

What is This Thing Called Hope?

What is this thing called hope? We ridicule those who have too much of it. We hospitalize those who have too little. It is dependent on so many things yet indisputably necessary to most. Those who have it live longer. Words can destroy it. Science has overlooked it. A day without it is dreadful. A day with an abundance of it guarantees little. - Ronna Jevne

Within my circle, not one person expressed regret about the end of 2004. Many said "good riddance" to the year that brought new levels of divisiveness and destruction.

Each new year gives us reasons for hope -- hope that we will, this year, finally keep those resolutions, find a new job, mend fences, make some significant change. Isn't that the appeal of New Year's eve? In one big and public gesture, we bid farewell to the negatives and disappointments, and then we embrace our hopes for a better next year.

But what is the true nature of hope? Jerome Groopman, M.D., a practicing physician and researcher who specializes in cancer and blood diseases, has witnessed both hope and the absence of hope. In his book, The Anatomy of Hope, he tells us that hope is not optimism or positive thinking. Hope does not ignore reality. It is not wishful thinking. Rather, it exists only in the face of reality and "brings reality into sharp focus." Dr. Groopman believes that, "Hope acknowledges the significant obstacles and deep pitfalls along that path. True hope has no room for delusion."

I began reading this book with some hesitation. How could stories about cancer patients be anything but deflating and depressing? Instead, it is an inspiring book about what he has learned from his patients who overcame their fear and found the "middle ground where both truth and hope could reside."

A key element of hope is feeling that we have control over our choices versus being at the mercy of outside forces. He cautions that, "False hope does not recognize the risks and danger that true hope does. ... True hope takes into account the real threats that exist and seeks to navigate the best path around them." Dr. Groopman says that hope, "Is as vital to our lives as the very oxygen that we breathe" and that, "We are just beginning to appreciate hope's reach and have not defined its limits. I see hope as the very heart of healing. For those who have hope, it may help some to live longer, and it will help all to live better."  

Hope musters our creativity, resourcefulness and determination not to accept the way things are. Hope often requires some assistance from others, and thus it becomes a process of reaching out. Hope raises our ceiling of possibilities. The absence of hope is powerlessness, resignation, pessimism, defeat (how we feel when the world doesn't live up to our dreams).

Well, the world certainly didn't pay attention to some of my dreams last year. Even so, I refuse to surrender my oxygen, my hope.

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True stories of connecting, awakening, seeing and knowing are at connectingstories.com

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2005-01 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) copyright Jane Allen 2005. All rights reserved.