MINDFUL

Masterpieces In Progress

Many of us are better at forgiving others than we are at forgiving ourselves. Do you forgive your mistakes or are you constantly stressing over your lack of perfection? Certainly, you can strive for perfection, but remember it isn't always possible. There are no perfect people.

Michelangelo's statue of David is magnificently beautiful. Photographs of it give you only an idea of the total beauty. After receiving the commission for this work from the City of Florence, Michelangelo was given a block of marble that another artist had already begun to cut. (The other guy had given up on this piece of marble, saying it was unworkable.)  Michelangelo saw his masterpiece within this 17-foot botched block of marble and worked with what he had. 

He sculpted David as an adolescent, emphasizing David's youth by making the head, hands and feet slightly too big for the body. By being a bit out of proportion to the muscular torso, those features add to the power and drama of the work.

So Michelangelo created a slightly out-of-proportion masterpiece from a flawed block of marble that had been rejected by another artist.

For every stumble, there's a lesson to be learned. With every flaw, there's a way to work around it or with it. We are all works in progress. Forgive your mistakes, continue the work and focus on the progress.

* * * *

True stories of connecting, awakening, seeing and knowing are at connectingstories.com
WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2001-8 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) copyright Jane Allen 2001. All rights reserved.

Rumi's Field

Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field. 
I will meet you there. - Rumi

Dear Readers:

I am looking for this field. 

When I find it, there will be no hatred. No divisions. 

I will have forgiven my own mistakes and others' mistakes. There will be no anger, resentment or revenge. 

It is a field of peace, tolerance, grace, strength and wisdom. 

I can visualize it when all is quiet, but only for a few seconds at a time. Then the realities of right now swoop back into my mind.  

If I keep trying, will I be able to hold onto the idea of the field a bit longer each time?

I am looking for this field. Will you look, too?

* * * *

True stories of connecting, awakening, seeing and knowing are at connectingstories.com

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2001-10 - ISSN: 1534-178X

(c) copyright Jane Allen 2001. All rights reserved.

He Tipped His Hat

A man tipped his hat to me. It's an old-fashioned sign of courtesy and respect. Such a tiny thing, but it warmed my heart. It happened four months ago while I was walking my dog. The man and his wife stopped to admire her, and we had a pleasant conversation. They asked me for directions and when they turned to go on their way, he tipped his hat. I thought about it all day. I'm still thinking about it. 

This week I read about a study done by Public Agenda, a nonprofit organization in New York City. They found that 8 in 10 Americans "say a lack of respect and courtesy is a serious problem," and 6 out of 10 say it's getting worse. "... Disrespect, lack of consideration and rudeness are serious, pervasive problems" affecting us "on a personal, gut level."

Those surveyed said "they are witnessing a deterioration of courtesy and respectfulness that has become a daily assault on their sensibilities and the quality of their lives." "Forty-one percent admit that they're part of the problem and sometimes behave badly themselves."

In the "bottom line" department:  Forty-six percent said they've left a store because of the way they were treated.

There is some good news.  Almost half said, "They often meet people who are kind and considerate."

How are you doing on showing courtesy and respect?  When you say, "How are you today?" do you really mean it? Are you showing up on time for meetings and appointments?  In some environments, being late has become "fashionable" or even a status symbol -- so much so that being late has become the norm. Would you like to be above average? Try being on time.

Are you keeping your word, doing what you promise to do? Are you giving the gift of really listening? Are you being polite to those you know and those you don't know? Can you disagree while respecting the other person's right to have a different opinion?

What small things are you doing every day to show courtesy and respect to others? How can you do more of that?   

* * * *
True stories of connecting, awakening, seeing and knowing are at connectingstories.com
WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2002-4 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) copyright Jane Allen 2003. All rights reserved.

Connecting The Halves

We are all halves already - Yoko Ono

Last weekend, I saw Ms. Ono's show at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. One of the exhibits is a room of one-half things -- half of a chair, a table, a teapot, shoes, a hat and more. Each is cut exactly in half.

It made me start thinking about the halves that we separate ourselves into. Positive/negative, strengths/weaknesses, light/shadow, the part that wants to succeed/the part that feels uncomfortable at networking functions, etc.  We like the "good" parts, but don't like the others. But how do we accept all the halves, just as they are, so we can put them all together and be a whole person?  If we don't, aren't we disconnected from ourselves?

When I practiced psychotherapy, people would tell me they could not allow themselves to cry because they'd never be able to stop once they'd started. To protect from crying, they tried to stay disconnected from their sadness. It didn't work. The sadness permeated their lives, and they spent way too much energy trying to be removed from it, pretending that everything was under control.

It's the same with denying our shadows (the parts we don't accept): the denial takes a great deal of energy.

(By the way, everyone who told me "I'll never stop crying" was able to stop.)

So what half of yourself are you not accepting, not liking, not recognizing? What part are you pretending to control? The first step toward change is awareness of the shadow. The next step is allowing the shadow to be there without judging yourself. 

I know. That's the hardest part. Sometimes I ask my coaching clients to repeat this sentence, "I completely love and accept myself."  Nine times out of ten, they don't want to even say it! The responses sound like this: "But that's not true" or "I could never say that!"

By validating our "shadow" sides, we bring them into the light. Shining your light on the shadow is the only way to make it disappear. We become whole by accepting all of the parts, not just the ones we like.

Here's a challenge for you, dear readers:  Try saying, "I completely love and accept myself." What thoughts come up for you?

* * * *
True stories of connecting, awakening, seeing and knowing are at connectingstories.com

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2002-7 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) copyright Jane Allen 2003. All rights reserved.

Looking For Heroes

More than ever, we seem to need heroes right now. Helen Keller is one of my heroes. Here's a rerun of an April 2001 Water Wings about her.

Helen Keller was an optimist. This remarkable woman, who could have been angry and bitter at the fate dealt her, instead chose to be a positive force for change. Left blind, deaf and mute by an illness at 19 months old, she began emerging from that darkness at age 7 (about one month after her teacher, Annie Sullivan, arrived).

She never stopped learning and became the first blind-deaf person ever to graduate from college. And she graduated cum laude! She worked tirelessly fighting for the rights of all people, but especially for the rights of women, minorities, workers and people with handicaps. She spoke and wrote about world peace and human dignity. She spoke about being an optimist.

Some quotes from Helen Keller:

• If you are born blind, search the treasures of darkness.

• The optimist believes, attempts, achieves.  He stands always in the sunlight.

• I am never discouraged by absence of good.  I never can be argued into hopelessness. Doubt and mistrust are the mere panic of timid imagination, which the steadfast heart will conquer, and the large mind transcend.

• I long to accomplish a great and noble task; but it is my chief duty and joy to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble...  I rejoice that others can do what I cannot.

* * * *
True stories of connecting, awakening, seeing and knowing are at connectingstories.com

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2002-11 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) copyright Jane Allen 2003. All rights reserved.

Being Right Is A Lonely Vigil

We run into situations every day that require forgiveness.  

That sales call when the guy was rude to you and didn't want to buy your product?  Leave your anger in HIS office; don't take it away with you. 

The client who took your samples and quotes for a big job and then shopped them to another vendor? Sadly, now you have lessons learned for the future. 

The friend who betrayed a confidence or said unkind things about you behind your back?  Yes, say how hurt you were by that. Talk about it and then move on.

Our outrage shouts after a disappointment: "I am the injured party!" That may feel good for a while, but it isn't the place you want to be permanently. OK, you were injured. But what is accomplished by continuing to hold that close to you? You must give it up. If you don't forgive, what remains? Self-righteousness is not pretty and resentment gets you nothing except more anger, bitterness and pessimism.

It's not easy to forgive, but holding on to resentment is like hauling a 100-pound boulder with you wherever you go. It weighs you down and affects all that you do. Being right is a lonely vigil. You're always gathering up more examples to prove how unjust others are, that life's not fair or that most people just don't measure up to your standards. If you are searching for that, you will find ample evidence to prove your case. 

Are you committed to that search? Or are you willing to make room in your life for other possibilities?

* * * *

True stories of connecting, awakening, seeing and knowing are at connectingstories.com

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2003-5 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) copyright Jane Allen 2003. All rights reserved.

When We Stop Making Trouble For Ourselves

A friend recently mentioned to me the I Ching symbol for Progress. He defined it as "the result that occurs when we stop making trouble for ourselves."  We make trouble for ourselves in a variety of ways -- negative self-talk, self-defeating behavior, not paying attention or not giving ourselves the time we need to be lost in reflection. It's all self-sabotage.

When I am very busy, my mental to-do list flashes like a neon sign giving me brief reminders of what's undone. The flashing thoughts mock me at moments when it's impossible to do the undone or even to write a reminder to myself. When I reach that point, I know it's essential to take a break.

For me, sometimes that means ignoring the phone or meeting a friend for lunch or taking a walk or focusing on just one task until it's done. Despite the other looming priorities and deadlines, I deliberately withdraw and create a different mental space amidst the chaos. Not letting myself get to that stressful point is a serial challenge for me. When I forget to take care of myself, I am reminded. I do better for a while. But eventually  the cycle begins again.

In their book, The Cultural Creatives: How 50 Million People are Changing the World, authors Paul Ray and Sherry Ruth Anderson tell the story of a woman who, when diagnosed with cancer, realizes that she must make substantial changes in her life. Every part of her life needs revising (physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual) if she is going to muster all the strength necessary to actively battle her illness. Even when she was facing that life and death struggle, the changes were not easy. She said, "We'll do almost anything to not go through that loss of the old self. But if we can find the courage to let it happen, we can eventually move to a new place in consciousness."

When faced with change, the Old Self is very creative. It says false reassuring things like, "Just one more hour of work and then you can take a break" or "Let's keep skating along with the old ways. Forget this new stuff. It's too scary."  The Old Self is fighting for its life against a new consciousness.

Moving to a New Self is rebirth. It's painful and difficult. It's a separation from the Old Self -- the Self that makes trouble and resists our efforts to evolve, grow, change, take a risk, take better care of ourselves.

Pay attention to your self-sabotage. Allow yourself to become the change you seek. Do NOT beat up on yourself with junk like, "If I were smarter, better, younger, blah blah blah... this would be easy."

It's never easy. But it is worth doing.

* * * *
True stories of connecting, awakening, seeing and knowing are at connectingstories.com

WATER WINGS FOR SUCCESS - ISSUE 2003-10 - ISSN: 1534-178X
(c) copyright Jane Allen 2003. All rights reserved.